Well, not exactly a naked house cleaning theme… It's just that, in life, you gotta jump in at the deep end, buck naked and with an IKEA trolley full of sensible storage solutions. You know?

There's no turning back, really. You're like, "I'm fucked if I give 'er, and fucked if I don't, so I better just keep going." Fuck it! Keep going, something amazing will happen soon, because at least I'm consistent. And I polish up nicely.

So that's our bullshit story behind this online only issue: Being Naked and cleaning, like a gay man with a fetish for River Phoenix, like a soft fluffy Swiffer and dusting. Not only that. Let's all stop sniffing Mr Clean, we've all had enough now. Time to start behaving normally for a bit. (What? –ed.)

Mr Clean isn't made for sniffing, it was made to be sprayed. That's it. Made to be lovingly spread over your fine wood furniture, then wiped off with the finest of fine cloths - or that old skate t-shirt that your ex girlfriend loved but she left you so fuck her! (In case you hadn't noticed, we have issues here at the office, especially with Mr Clean!)

In this online issue we have interviews with ex-Soccer Skinheads who offer professional house cleaning services with a 90% guarantee of your furniture being there when you get back, and the Vice President of the British Cleaning Combat Movement. Also Moroccan Interior Decorators and Kate's Carpet Cleaning experience, Cleaners Confessional (gross), Red Head People and the Green Wallpaper they go against best (I have Mommy Issues), Riots on the Plush Carpeting and loads more amazing things like that. Off with the clothes and on with the decorating!

-MZR